| Floor to ceiling windows mean that when the sun shines everyone feels it's warmth but when grey clouds come in and it rains for weeks the impact is dramatically different. Board rooms can have the same effect. I've been living in the corporate world for two and a half years but I still haven't come to terms with how it works when everyone is just a number. It's not something that can be explained. You have to experience it to understand.
Navigating the path ahead. Loving. Waiting. Hoping. |
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| This past weekend I flew down to Atlanta to go to a wedding (yet again) and visit. I had a great time and it was so much fun to catch up with old friends and meet new ones. I was sad to have to leave but looking forward to getting home.
Since I only live 1.5 hours from Buffalo, NY it saves me tons of money to fly domestically from Buffalo instead of Internationally from Toronto. I had parked my car at the Buffalo airport and was going to drive myself home instead of asking my dad to drop me off and pick me up (which is what he normally does so willingly). It wasn't the first time I'd driven myself but it was the first time I'd ever experienced something like this.
As I was walking through the parking lot I spotted the back end of my car and that sense of relief that I'm one step closer to home came over me but. As I go closer I noticed the light was reflecting off of the back driver's side at an odd angle. When I got close enough to my car I could see why. Someone had hit it so hard that it was dented and had about a foot long scratch on it.
The elated feeling I had from feeling closer to home was suddenly replaced with a sinking feeling in my stomach. I loaded my suitcase into the trunk and before I shut it had an idea that sparked some tiny bit of hope. Maybe they left a note on my windshield? I shut the trunk and peered through the back window through to the front. Nothing. The sinking feeling returned but soon it turned to anger and frustration.
I wondered how someone could hit a car so hard without noticing they'd done it. It'd be next to impossible not to notice. That means they probably did notice and chose to drive away anyways. This is what our society has come to, the general population lacks honesty and integrity. We've allowed our conscious' to become so calloused that we can hit someone's car and drive away without remorse or a second thought. I suppose the person who did it probably had a brief moment after the fact where they wondered what to do. Experience has taught them that I would have likely tried to take advantage of them and make them pay for more than what the damage would cost to fix. In an effort to look out for number one they left.
How did we ever let our society get this bad? When did we stop looking out for the needs of others? Why don't we work together with strangers anymore to find the best outcome for everyone involved? The question I have to challenge myself with is this: what am I doing differently to build the society I want to live in? |
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| My youngest sister gave up on her relationship with the Lord years ago. She lived in seclusion barely coming out of her room except when absolutely necessary. She finally moved out of my parents house and in with her boyfriend. After two years her heart was broken and she moved out on her own. She's been going to college and doing her own thing for a couple years now.
I've been praying for her to know the Lord's love for years. To see past the hypocritical Christianity that she'd come to associate with God and really know Him for who He is. I've prayed in faith believing that He would bring her back. Things have been changing for her in the past few months and she's been taking a closer look at her life. She's been doing a lot of reflecting.
This week it all fell into place. She turned back to Him. She's still struggling through some stuff (who isn't?) and she needs a lot more prayer but now she's heading in the right direction.
My heart is overflowing with joy and gratitude.
God is so good.
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| Today I had coffee with a guy at work that I'd never spoken to in person before. We were set up by a few women in the office who apparently don't have enough work to keep them busy. They seem to have made it their personal goal to marry me off before the end of the year. At first I was a little bit insulted as I wondered if they thought I wasn't able to meet someone on my own. Then I decided that it was best to focus on being appreciative that I have people in my life who want to see me happy even if they go about it in a way that's completely foreign to me.
So here I was, sitting across the table listening to a man tell me about himself, his life, his family, his friends and all I kept thinking was "we are as different as night and day." But different can be a good thing and opposites sometimes attract... this was not one of those times. Not only is his lifestyle something I would never fit into but I would probably try to avoid becoming a part of it. It's not as though he's a bad person, in fact he was genuinely kind and funny, he's just different.
We talked for over an hour and I enjoyed it but there was no connection at all and I couldn't help but wonder if these women who are trying to set me up really know me at all? Of course that begs the question, do I really want to be set up with anyone else? And I think my answer to that is, why not? What have I got to lose? I had a good time this afternoon even if there's no really potential for anything long term I'm open to at least finding out and who knows maybe someday I'll meet someone who's a perfect fit.
I never would have imagined that I'd be open to the idea of being set up but I think this could turn into a fun adventure. |
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| Tonight I came home from small group and had work to do. (Note to self: Find a way to stop bringing work home at night. 9 hours/day is enough.) I opened up my playlist on shuffle and after only a couple songs Rita Springer started singing. It's been a long time since I've heard her but I was encouraged. I turned the shuffle off and listened to the album Worth It All and I cried. I didn't cry because I'm sad but just because I'm overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed by the amount of work I have and the knowledge that it will never end, I just need to manage it properly and I haven't quite mastered that yet. I'm overwhelmed by the emotions that come out of nowhere about things that happened eons ago and I thought I'd moved past. I'm overwhelmed by the goodness of God and the filth of my complacency. I'm overwhelmed by the fact that I feel completely unaware of who I am and who I'm supposed to be. I'm overwhelmed by the challenge of trying to navigate my way through life.
I have changed more in the past year than I think I've ever allowed myself to change and yet I feel so far from where I want to be. The Lord is still working on me, I know. He has a plan, I know. He has my best interests at heart, I know. He loves me, I know... but I'll never understand any of that. All I can do is be overwhelmed by Him and stand amazed. |
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